This past week, I made some difficult decisions. It is NOT in my nature to rush decisions. If anything, I take as much time as possible, gathering "research," thinking, asking advice, praying, and reading the word. I had in my hand two options. And I'm still reeling from the choice I made. I'm still not sure, and peace was no where to be found, whether with one job or the other.
Factors: One job had benefits after 90 days, full-time pay, and was dealing with products that I'm interested in. The other, no benefits, part-time, and in a field that I struggled with the year before. And I still have misgivings for going with "the other." But I know that at least, I trust the Lord to make my paths straight if I acknowledge Him in my ways. My heart aches though.
What makes the situations particularly difficult? My lack of excitement. I am not enthused. I am demure. And I am, to be truthful, a mixture of thankful and depressed. I feel more lost than ever. The comforting thought that I had this summer was that if I was certified, I could teach abroad, at least, if I ever get into the mission field abroad. And in this way, I could remind myself that I would be serving the Lord in continuing my education. LOANS are a mighty issue too - something I didn't want or need more of. Even thinking about it now saddens me.
The worst part of everything, past the prospect of debt, is the thought that I might have made the wrong decision. But it helps that I have a wonderful church home and a place to live. I wish things were more "perfect" - that I was more "perfect," but I am learning contentment in all things, and what better place and time to learn that than when you sit in the least optimal situation.
What makes the situations particularly difficult? My lack of excitement. I am not enthused. I am demure. And I am, to be truthful, a mixture of thankful and depressed. I feel more lost than ever. The comforting thought that I had this summer was that if I was certified, I could teach abroad, at least, if I ever get into the mission field abroad. And in this way, I could remind myself that I would be serving the Lord in continuing my education. LOANS are a mighty issue too - something I didn't want or need more of. Even thinking about it now saddens me.
The worst part of everything, past the prospect of debt, is the thought that I might have made the wrong decision. But it helps that I have a wonderful church home and a place to live. I wish things were more "perfect" - that I was more "perfect," but I am learning contentment in all things, and what better place and time to learn that than when you sit in the least optimal situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment