Why do I want to write on this topic? Because I feel that there is so extremely little support for single Christian women out there beyond the age of, well, 14 really. I assume that many girls and women are in the same sinking ship that I am in - we "wait" for "that guy" to show up. A vast many of us (a frightening number) settle for beyond less than what God would have chosen for us, had we been patient. This concerns me very much because I'm seeing more and more young girls and women casting their pearls before swine.
Now, leave what I think about the "swine" aside. That is NOT NEARLY as important as WHY this is happening! I mean, we could discuss the "daddy" issues and the need for "validation" and any other episode of Dr. Phil you learned something psychobabbblish- possibly attributing many things to your situation that may not apply (while certainly, these things play a part for some and many), but would we be hitting the wonderful practicality of being single? The benefits of singleness need not be sinful in the least. I believe so few young women are taking precious advantage of singleness and are rather, rushing into less than fulfilling, God-honoring, thought-out relationships. If I may be frank and honest (and please, I will), I think girls become dumber by diving into these relationships head-first. To my eyes, they appear stupid for settling when they could actually be doing themselves a favor by remaining single, patiently waiting for God's best. So, the question is: What favor does a young woman do for herself if she remains single rather than jumping into a rushed relationship?
1) She can grow in wisdom. Now, this may or not be true, but I find that when a girl denies that emotionally-charged part of herself that yearns for male attention by turning down a semi-attractive (or even attractive) dude because she knows she has good reasons for being hesitant about wanting anything from him (be him a winner or a loser), I find that she has grown some sort of wisdom in that small act. I feel like a woman should be wise to her worth in Christ - that she will be considered a crown on the head of her husband, and if she feels hesitant about his character, it's best to err on the side of singleness than allow her emotions to rule her behavior.
2) She can grow intellectually. The influence of culture on the Christian mind is unmistakable. I cannot tell you how little some girls pay attention to ANYONE or ANYTHING that isn't on the other end of a glowing electronic. No one seems to be keeping constant texting in check, considering that it is a huge source of gossip, cyber-bullying, and idle chatter. I'm finding that I agree more and more with the puritans that idleness is the devil's playground. If that girl has enough time to talk about mindless gossip or celebrity worship, she does not have enough mental gymnastics to do. It seems that teenage girls, especially, are very idle, and I'm convinced that this is making them dumb and numb. Honestly, teen girls are not the greatest source of depth for a girl to tap (though it is possible, I know), so perhaps having our phone to our ear or that constant, incessant conversation is not the best mental exercise for the time.
3) She can grow emotionally. This is a HUGE one for those who struggle with "daddy", validation, and even abuse issues. I understand that it is much easier to seek out a man to satiate a damaged part of ourselves than to fix the damaged part. It's easier to medicate pain than to determine the source, endure, and endeavor to find the cure. So, we do what's easy because we are sinful (what sin you ask? Laziness, of course. It is the "do what's easy" sin). Now, some are aware that they are not helping themselves by simply jumping from guy to guy and that they are their own worst enemy, but some are not. This is why, no matter how healthy a girl thinks she is or how well she seems to feel, I think it's always best to patiently enter a relationship, erring on the side of sanctified singleness until she is ABSOLUTELY sure that GOD's WILL is the one that matters to her, not her own. BEWARE of self-confirmation - the heart is deceptive, as Jeremiah prophesied, and never trust your own understanding - that's foolishness. Double-check, triple-check, check check check your heart before you move. What's the harm in being sure and safe? It's much cheaper than the cost of emotional pain, even though it's twice the work.
4) She can grow her relationship with Jesus. I cannot tell you how many countless women I have observed wish that they had taken better advantage of their singleness to grow in relationship with the Savior. There is so much more time to love and serve the Lord. It can be such a sweet time to really grow and know His character. Aside from feeling whole and healed, dependent only on the God of the universe for all of our needs, you might find that it is actually better than spending time with anyone else. Never discount that the Lord will ALWAYS be THE PROVIDER, THE PROTECTOR, THE EVERYTHING. I have found that this one thing alone is worth never having a boyfriend for the years that I have been single (and yep, count them, that's 25 years!). Even when I feel the pang of loneliness that seeps in every once in a while, Jesus is so worth that pang - the God we serve is awesome, and I wish more women would take advantage of their single time to know that. It has been the great pleasure of my life to spend time in prayer, in God's word, listening to sermons, and gleaning from older women during my high school, college and post-college years. While I anticipate marriage and hope for that gift, I ask the Lord prevent it from becoming my obsession because I want my mind freed up to focus on what will be its eternal focus, glorifying God by the power and blood of Jesus Christ. If my mental capacity and emotional energy were spent in constant obsession over having a relationship, there's so much grace, mercy, and gifting that I would miss out on - and those things come in so many forms!
5) She can grow independently. Now, I am going to end this post with something highly practical. By independently, I mean that a woman can grow to learn how to care for herself and learn what independent Christianity can me for her. I feel that, as much as we rebel against submitting to a man, many women conform and settle to and for a man. I think that this can be dangerous because the inclination for some women to allow a man to lead might mean that they under-develop a knowledge of how to financially provide for themselves and don't develop a practicality of how to sustain energy for both work outside the home and maintaining the living space (I, by no means, support women working outside the home when they have children at home or even when they are married, being that I firmly abide by what it says in Timothy [there are, of course, exceptions] - simply being that, man, housework is A LOT of work, women have an eye for it [we don't really feel like a "day off" is lounging - it's for getting work at the house done], and some men now expect a woman to work at an office then work again at home - um, how about "no" since the house chores are ENOUGH in themselves). While I don't want to suggest that one should plan for a marriage to end whether by divorce or death, a women needs to grow skills that she could employ to support herself if need be. Ask any single mom - she never thought she'd be a single mom, and many older women would tell you (as many know the nature of men, no matter the most loving husband), it can't be a bad idea to maintain a set of professional skills that might come in handy later - even if later is when the kids are grown and she wants to work outside the home for extra income and housework is shared and well-managed. I just think that living on your own with your own rules is such joy and pleasure, too, that it shouldn't be missed out on! Not that people who marry or are in a relationship when they hadn't really lived independently can't grow, but the experience is worth the patience it takes to live without a romantic relationship. I have enjoyed so much having time to myself, pursuing what interests me, and glorifying God in the process that I know it will be an adjustment to sacrifice what I have come to enjoy and cherish so much.
All this to say, if I could convince young women that singleness is wonderful, I would do it in a heart beat. But part of the joy is finding that all out for yourself. Thanks be to our merciful and glorious God who makes all things new and is faithful to complete the work that He has started in us.
