I think the main thing is that I am actually doing something amazing by finally acknowledging the need for obedience to God in neglected areas of life. Good thoughts and feelings about Jesus don't mask the fact that some of my actions are the bullhorn of rebellion. So, here are the things, both conceptual and practical, that I am overhauling:
Conceptual:
1. Consistency - I've been consistently demotivated and deeply downcast. That's about it. I haven't consistently packed my lunch for work, I haven't consistently even washed my hair (now, I AM hygienic, just constantly flying by the seat of my pants), I haven't consistently paid bills at the same time each month, I haven't consistently prayed or journaled, or really, read the Bible without hiccups, and if you read the blog, well, we know how THAT's been. So, goal? Consistency, stability, happy ritual (I hate the word routine - I'm a green personality [http://winning-solutions.com/Trainings/True_Colors/truecolor.html], it stresses us out).
2. Thinking and Practice - I'm working on how I overwhelm myself into oblivion and, painstakingly, breaking things down into itty bitty bite-sized pieces and squashing the notion that "I can accomplish everything I want to today." Let's call this killing that "all or nothing" perfectionist attitude. I just want to get SOMETHING DONE.
3. Moderation - I need to practice moderation and patience in all things, but particularly in impulsive things. I most def purchased a Keurig, but I had been contemplating that. When I got to Costco, the price was so right. Impulsive? Nah, the justification rationalizing capacitor in my brain has informed me not so. I'll only be going out when I absolutely must on a set day, rather than inventing reasons to leave the house (yus, I do this) to avoid what needs doin'. Moderation in eating, moderation in internet time, those two go without saying.
Practical:
1. Planning - Everything. I just need to. And it's okay to plan small stuff and get small stuff done if it works toward my main goal. This includes managing school things.
2. Finances - I am in serious debt - not that I cannot manage, but it's going to take a jaunt to fix it. So I need to work on a budget.
3. Weightloss - I just need to figure this crap out once and for all. I gained back weight after losing 30lbs, but lately, I am actually feeling horrible. I don't feel comfortable at all, feel fatigued and dehydrated, so it is time, frens, it is time to beat myself like an athlete does (checkout what the apostle Paul says about the athlete).
4. Home/Personal Maintenance - I am the anti-girl. Not that I am against girls, I just typically don't like girl things like makeup (though I like buying it), fixing my hair, clothes, cleaning constantly (really, I just loathe dishes), and making sure that I do maintenance appointments - nails, waxing, such and such. But I am finding that this is really needed for my job, since teenagers are so judgmental. I get my brows done regularly, but hadn't since the start of the school year - you wouldn't believe how many students, after I got them done last Saturday, said something to me about how good they looked - bruh, they just eyebrows! So this and cleaning are on the list.
So, this week, I report back on my experiment of the essential non-amazings, and hopefully, something amazing will occur. Don't forget to pray.
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