I am considering leaving the internet. Absurd? Of course. Plausible and doable? Yes. What do I mean? Leaving Facebook, leaving Google+, leaving Twitter, leaving blogs. Just gone. Why?
Jesus. Well, that's not explicit is it? Tonight I was reading a blog post about why not to read Fifty Shades of Skank. Yep. Did I just judge someone? Probably. Oops. What shocked me the most was not the post. The comments. Unreal. And as I logged into Facebook, I saw someone who just "looooooooves" Jesus post something undeniably problematic with the Gospel. This was not strange for them, but their brand of "take it or leave it" Scripture-ish-based world-lovin' has been driving me nuts. Did I just judge again? Oops.
How many times have I done this? Do I want to be friends with this person? I just don't want my Christian walk to be marked by gook from the internet - and I'm friends with some Christians who love gook. I love funny things and honest things - and I will tiptoe the line of gook. But I'm thinking, I don't want to tiptoe any more. I want to really, really love Jesus in a remarkable way - and there are things I JUST HAVE TO GIVE UP. I just don't want to be mainstream and turning a blind eye to things. I also don't want to get into glowing screen to glowing screen arguments. Some people who argue do it in a way that really bring facts to light. Most just constantly "judge not lest..." others, which is my most favorite of the improperly interpreted verses by Christians dodging conviction anywhere.
I think, well, that I'm over it. I don't like seeing other Christians represent Christ that way. I don't like seeing my own behavior representing Christ that way. This has come up in conversations where I was preaching to myself about how behavior slips as we don't watch it. There have been three very clear times where I know I just should have left a location - I didn't sin by doing something, but I did sin by not leaving. And in each of those clear times, I was left wondering, "How did I get here? This is not me or who I EVER wanted to be. How was I dragged into this???" There have been unclear times - and those you have to watch because they eventually lead to clear times.
I think social media is becoming a clear time to me. I was good before Facebook ever shoved its book in mah face. I had a twitter before most people knew what it was - and I still think it's a "sometimes network" where I have no idea how people have THAT much time to post things. I started the blog because I wanted to share my feelings with anyone who might find themselves a 26-year-old, overweight, single virgin with the mind of a 85-year-old who has a hard time relating to her peers. I wanted those folks to know they aren't crazy. I'm here and I'm not shy and I'll try to make you laugh. But even blogs can be self-serving. I love to write. Venting has helped me articulate my thoughts for my own clarity. And while there might be zero hits or whatever they call it these days, I feel as though I've expressed it to another life form. But I can do that through prayer to a more powerful life form and know it's getting to Him. If it's God's will for me to share, then He will carve a new way or provide a new season.
I know this post is all over the place, but I think for the sake of me not getting into internet battles over people this and me that, not getting angry about where our culture is, I need to say toodles to the internet for an indefinite amount of time. I don't know that disconnecting from Facebook is realistic (and I'm totally serious when I say this) because so much information is disseminated through it (Bible studies, church stuff, illnesses). Peeps have indicated that they missed messages because they weren't getting emailed or texted - everything was online. I don't want to abandon it completely because I know it's not the medium, it's the people using it. But I need a break (I think). The ComparisonMart that is Facebook is driving me bonkers (me = my problem). So a hiatus is abrewin'.
Maybe it's the late-night nature of the post (emotions have sharp edges at night - sleep softens them, so I read in a medical article about sleep). Maybe it's the heavy dose of fungi and garlic that were in my pasta at Carrabba's tonight. Or the sinisterly (not a word) good sweet tea with lemonade that I had. But maybe it's God telling me, "Enough." I'll be praying about whether this is God or me (it happens - because me sounds so good to me). As usual, I'm excited but doubtful of my consistency. I'm wondering if it's time though. I don't think it would do any harm and I think Jesus may just love it for me.
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