Now, for the fun part. You may or may not have heard of the very common "Nina." Often times, I will imitate this wild woman's voice, invoking Puerto Ricans (and a dose of "crazy") from my magnificent and mad ancestry. There is a demon around every bush, a warning for every common practice, and a "be caarfool" with every departure. Common phrases include "¡Que barbaridad!" (which literally means "What barbarity!" but in common slang, it means "How awful!" or "What a shame"). She can be heard saying it after every bit of depressing news, shocking news...or good news... Honestly, I think the market for bad news lives with fussy grandmothers who must warn you that going into the fence- in, gated backyard at twilight could spell "baad nyews" for you....
¡Imáginate! Is another expression for "can you believe it (that awfulness)" "imagine that (awful thing)!" Often said to herself, expressing her appall at people who aren't moral, aren't wise, and simply, don't know much. By all accounts she is perhaps the wisest woman you'd meet mixed with a dose of silly. Her new phrase is, "Loord, eets so hard to be homble" which she says to herself as she cleans the kitchen counters for the 14th time in the morning...
Yesterday (Tuesday, but Wednesday early am) I came home from my other aunt's house very late (2:25 am, but I came in at 3:00 because it took me 35 minutes to find a parking space), and there she was, waiting... she could have called, she has my phone number, she new I was an hour and 15 minutes away, so I might stay the night... and she came to unlock the back gate (though I had a key), and her speech began.
Unlike our current president, my grandmother does not mince words (or curse at me, though if she wanted to "kick my ass" she could), but rather says "I don't know about Atlanta, but in Cheecago, you can't come in late..." then my favorite phrase, of all of the phrases! "Nevehr in my life I come home thees late at 3 in da morneen." "Never in my life" has become my favorite cliché phrases, because it indicates that, by virtue of never having done it, she has beat me in the competition of not doing it, and is therefore, better. I said nothing (chuckling to myself, because in Athens, I must have come home more than three months worth of days, past 3 am in the morning, having done something like study, written a paper, gone to karaoke, or just sat up talking to a friend). I could have said "Never in my life have I fallen in love with a Mexican poet, married him at 16, and had my first kid at 17..." and won the Stanley Cup of "never doing" but, that might not be justified as "better" (because Mexican poets are alluring and children are a blessing), and it was 3 am, and she is my funny grandma, and I was, by far, more ill-humored about parking than I could ever be at my concerned grandma. I thought to call, but I thought she'd be asleep (I had keys to the house!!!).
Then, today, as I was telling her that I would leave tomorrow (which is now), Thursday, she said, "Why?!? Why you need to go tomoorow?" And I was surprised... she sounded like she was going to argue me out of it. DANGER! DANGER! So I backed off a little about the leaving. When a 4'9" Puerto Rican who raised 5 kids alone wants to argue you out of your decision, just say "sure." And now, I begin the scheming of escaping from Chi-town. It will be tricky, but I'll make sure to get my aunt (whose house I've called Home Base for the week) to talk sense.
Now I'm stuck in a favorite city to be stuck in... planning my escape for "sometime-o-clock" Thursday. I'll be downloading more sermons to listen to in the morning for the drive. Life is good, and it's been great to be welcomed, fed, entertained, listened to, left alone, and myself. I feel like I've had an actual vacation for once in a long time. I'm glad it was just me that came up. My heart is glad.
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