Drowning in the Sea of Options

I'm someone who looooooooves options. I like having a choice - I love researching the options to make the best decision. But now, I'm in a place where "best" is a hard-to-place label at, well, best.

What do you mean, O Confusing One? I mean that I have TOO many. And I'm kind of laughing right now because for people who like options, normally, our response is "there are NEVER too many." The major problem that I am running into is that I can't tell the future. If I could just solve this problem, we'd be good - I could way the stats of "best decision" and go.

Why do I have options? Well, formally, officially, I no longer have a teaching position. There's a dark side to the part of me that doesn't want to quit - part of me also probably wouldn't be brave enough to leave, even though I might not like the profession, because the money does create a sense of security. I mean to say that if I were offered a contract, I would continue. It would be unwise to walk out on a guaranteed position, no matter the difficulty or the infeasability of continuing my adult education at the same time.

What's convenient about my non-renewal is that I have no choice but to at least start planning for elsewhere. What's convenient is that my "no" is said for me. It's just like any convenient excuse - where you wouldn't say something, though you might be dying to, but all of a sudden, something happens, and the message you wanted to convey is conveyed without you getting your hands dirty.

That's to say, I don't want to leave - but getting my certification would be cheaper if I did it all at one school and got my masters as well. And I'm enrolled at two universities. I can't imagine staying two years in a program without getting my higher level degree. But I think it's also stupid for me to student teach if I go full time. And what if education doesn't pick up for YEARS? I dunno...I have major decisions to make.

At this point, I reflect on my true dream - full-time ministry and travel. I know that I want to be in vocational ministry. I felt like God said to me when I interned for a year at a college ministry that my job was to be the iron that sharpens iron. It wasn't evangelism or healing or such. But doesn't this imply teaching? Maybe I heard wrong. I wouldn't put it past myself.

I'm kind of at a loss, again. Seminary? Graduate school? What am I doing??? Who does He want me to be??? What should I order at Starbucks??? (Okay, not that one...) But joking aside, whatever indecision lies at the heart of me is frustrating - what's the plan? Why do I feel like I am on someone else's timeframe and not my own?

Perhaps my problem lies where it always seems to lurk...at the beginning. Fräulein Maria told the Von Trapp kids, "Let's start at the very beginning...it's a very good place to start". Yeah, well if you don't know how to or what the start is or what you should start, that song is rather depressing (not really, but I will take issue with the good fräulein later). The mechanics of WHERE to start kill me...but I think I might list the things that I like in life. Maybe that will prove to be of some inspiration.