Waiting: a non-guide for the impatient...

How Not to Wait
By: Erin Milligan

1. Wonder "what if" over the same situation over and over again, with the same variables over and over again, running the same stats, playing the same game over and over again, learning no new information, and simply doing it all...over and over again.

2. Ask for prayer...again...again...and...again...gaining no new information, simply reminding yourself that God is the same, now, again, forever, realizing that you might as well wait because that's what God wants you to do because your deal isn't fearing the future, is more like knowing it now so that your busy gears can start turning again because you don't know how to stop the madness of the mathematics of your mind from mulling over minutiae.

3. Get yourself LOTS of down time where you aren't busy and you can just have imaginary conversations, make imaginary "what if" plans, and waste very REAL time when you could be cleaning your room (which should probably be featured on the TLC show "Hoarders" because it's just that much a mess) or you could be grading that mountain of papers, or learning how to bake a Chocolate flan that you saw the really cute little Mexican girl on the food network make (and you like chocolate better than regular vanilla flan, because who doesn't like chocolate??). Make sure you aren't accomplishing anything important - that is the real sign of having mastered 3.

4. Talk AD NAUSEUM about the situation you are faced with, adding no new information, learning no new advice, just chattering and prattling away about nothing, again, not doing the month's worth of laundry that has been in a pile, now a small tribute to Kennesaw Mountain (and little Kennesaw), that's on the floor of all 3 rooms of the house that you occupy. Make sure to preach to the choir - accomplishing REALLY nothing, just violently agreeing.

5. Think of non-things to do, non-people to talk to, non-food to eat, etc. instead of moving your college items from the garage to the basement (where they belong), because they have made a nice aparment out of the garage. Invent new tasks, new things to buy, get a new bee in your bonnet, like going to IKEA because you need to look for "x". In general, a good rule is to create new and useless tasks, etc. to continue on with. Make sure to convince yourself of things that you don't need.

6. Lament the beautiful day, saying to yourself that you really love nature, beauty, and photography, and puppies, and rainbows, and kitties and that you MUST not waste the day inside (though you might play farmville or mafia wars inside). Make sure to deny your allergy to mosquitos that leaves you with welts the size of quarters and your incessant sneezing when microscopic elements of God's creativity infultrate your fallen-world nose. Make sure to feel deep things, and think deep things, convincing yourself that this is of much GREATER import than the fact that your taxes are not yet filed, and you really could use that cash.

7. Use God as an excuse to avoid...God. Have a crisis of needing to "be with the Lord" which entails "battling through your same questions" as opposed to tackling the now, very obvious lack of practicality that has struct your young, 24 and 1/2 year old life with not quite a shock 'cause it's been there all along and it's probably causing the crisis, if there really is one (and there could be), in the first place. Make sure to get lost (without a map) in deep thoughts that have the power to overwhelm and immobilize you into inaction, making sure to perpetuate the drama, so that a sense of depth, worth, breadth, and feeling is felt, thought through, agonized over, and still not fixed. The point is to draw it out...then have a sense of accomplishment after conquering what is, merely a problem with having too much stuff, too many hobbies, and organizing that into one tiny closet, that problem that you have turned into a personality disorder (in your own understanding), when really, about a week would get you organized and set.

This is how you flounder. I hope it made more than just me chuckle. When I've overloaded my plate, bit off more than I can chew, and then some of those things are done and gone, I realize I'm empowered to do what I need (and honestly, want) to get done. I just thought to write a little characature of myself - because I sometimes take myself too seriously. Bless and praise the Lord for simple tasks to accomplish and the peace that the mundane chores of the house sometimes provide the overthought, the overwrought, the overworked, and the overrested. He is good, and many times, I am silly. And ALL the time, I need to clean my room.